Really? (I don't know)

Hola bloggers and bloggets!
Well, nothing really for me other than the fact that I suppose things are going for the better. Getting detailed, alright!



~~~~~~~~~~Love Life~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, I'm currently in a relationship that I really am happy with. A long story behind it, and comming with a happy ending.
The man is 1 1/2, maybe two years older than me, a grade ahead, and has a tough shell that I assume that I'm hidden inside as well, no entrance . . . No escape. He has the personality of a badass, tough as nails, sticking up for everyone including himself, and take shit from nobody personality.
We met 4 years ago, when I was in the 5th grade and my neighbor on the bus was being the biggest jerk to me, and he stood up for me. Unfortunately in return some of the neighbor's friends poured hand sanatizer all over his head, but ever since we've been friends. Around that time I was heavily depressed and always bottled it up, getting to the point where I had to take pills to get rid of the acid that built up in my stomache. Though every problem that became visable, Cody noticed (Cody being the false name of the guy I'm currently with), and he would get to the point where he would actually force the problem out of me, and then everything would be alright. He stook up for me whenever he was around and I was messed with, and always made me laugh and be happy when I wasn't.
Soon enough, I remember one day come home crying my eyes out, going strait for the kitchen, pulling out the kitchen knife and pointing it strait to my heart. It terrified me how I was able to just go and do it, but with that I came with the idea that if I could find one reason to keep me from doing it, I wouldn't. I flipped through options, reasons, and names, but only stopped and found the reason when Cody came to mind, and I set the knife down.
Since then, Cody had become much more of an importance to me. Unfortunatly, I knew we were too much of opposites, and soon enough he started hanging out with the big croud, leaving less time for me to hang out with him. This terrified me. What would happen if he totally left me? Would I actually lead back to that again? So every opportunity I got, I would take as fast as I could to talk or hang out with him. I remember days where I tried as hard as I could to get out the school doors just to run after his croud, catching up with him to go to the library with him, although I was never able to catch up with him, and he'd always be gone by the time I got there.
After a while, I soon realized that this was almost obsession, which probably scared me some more. I was afraid to say or do something, wear something, whatever, for fear that Cody would think I was stupid, latched, and would soon he would completely leave me and label me as a freak of nature. The idea of obsession was quickly then changed to the realization that I was falling for him.
By how he acted, treated, and was, I almost always thought that falling for him would soon change, thinking that he would never feel the same for me, so I tried as hard as I could to turn away, though it never worked. Two years ago, there was one last dance left in the school year, and then Cody would be in High School. We never saw eachother after school, and we never talked on the phone either, so I knew that after that year, I wouldnt' see him for a year. With that, I came with the thought that within that year of not seeing or talking to him, we'd both change to a point where we'd never be able to even talk to eachother, it would never match up. It almost broke my heart.
And then he asked me to the dance, and I knew I couldn't dance. Not only that, but I was too scared to. What if they were bad? So it was awkward, we just hung around and talked, and it embarassed me, but at the end he hugged me for the first time. It was like all of a sudden he got 2 feet taller, and it comforted me, and then we left.
Well, last year I was somewhat stable, very shaky though. I went out with a guy named Tex (not really), out of pity so that pretty much lasted a week. Two months later, I went out with Tylor (really not really), and it was good until he became very uncomfortable, I got complaints from my friends that he was beating them and being very mean, and at one point he tried to get in my pants . . . And that ended that (I would like to note now, that if Cody were to ever know about what Tylor did, Tylor wouldn't live to see the next day).
So this year, I ended up in a hour and a half study hall with him, and we were at seperate tables. Of course, I lightly showed off, but for the first week, we never talked. That tore me to pieces. I felt like walking up infront of him and his friends and screaming at the top of my lungs that I was right there and he didn't even bother saying hi. Although, it was as if Cody had read my mind. He braught me to talk to him about completely nothing, and then I sat back down. Although, on that note, it sparked to the point that with the help of that subject (subject being how crazy my best friend was), the conversations grew bit by bit.
After that time, I'd be talking to people at my table, and couldn't help but every so often catch from where my blindspot was supposed to be (considering I don't have one), I'd catch him looking at me. That only turned to me trying harder for impression.
One jerk in particular just randomly yelled a very stupid name, and in return, Cody immediately told him off. Unfortunately for me, I hadn't heard or noticed it. (I've learned to ignore those things, all I did was hear Cody yell something mean to someone, which wasn't new).
One day I took his cell phone and gave him mine, we exchanged numbers, and we texted after school until 10 when we got into the conversation about the whole dance thing, a guy in particular had told me that Cody had told him to go out with me before my neighbor did. I asked Cody about this and he asked me why he would say that when he always wanted . . . And then he made me guess.
Cody: You guess and I'll tell you if/when you're right
Me: You like me
Cody: Damn you're good.

So after that we just broke out, and apparently he had liked me for as long as I've realised I liked him, we were just too pussy to say something about it.
Needless to say, now we're going out, and Thursday I got my first and second kiss. First time I was shocked, taken by surprise, so it didn't count. So we backed up the whole freaking hallway the second time. <333
Unfortunately, the week after he told me he liked me, his favorite relative died, so since the first&second kiss, he's been at a funeral. He won't be back until tomarrow, and then I'll see him in School on Tuesday.
I can't freaking wait.


~~~~~~~~Friends~~~~~~~~~~
[The following are fake names]

Claudia ......................... Crazy/ BFFLAD (Best Friends For Life And Death), has almost every disorder in the book, you ask her and she rips the names off like she's belching the alphabet. .......... Boyfriend: Rick

Rick ............................. Similar to Claudia, very similar. I'm surpsied they aren't related ................. Girlfriend: Claudia

John ............................. Manwhore. He's gone out with almost every girl in our whole friend group, except for 2/3 other girls, not including myself (Apparently I'm a slut)

Renesmee ........................ Little Sweetie, big pottymouth. She looks the age of 11 and yet is older than most of the people in our group. You expect little sweet things (she is sweet, by the way), and yet when she get's pissed she isn't afraid to show it. I consider her our little time bomb.

Rose ............................ Daredevil, Cowgirl, rebel, she's our little Country Bitch, and has no problem with standing out from everyone else in the school. She's the perfect party girl, too.

Bella ........................... She's tall, very tall, but we all love her! I especially love that about her! She's really nice, caring and spart. She's a bit shy, but with that she's an awesometastic friend.

Drake ......................... He's moved away, but all of us try as much as we can to stay in contact with him. He's an awesome guy and an fantastic hugger. We all love him with a burning passion. Lol.

Daisy ......................... Shortie, cute, and bubbly. She's an awesome person to hang out with, and is as cute as can be.

Tex ......................... Yes, that's right, he's my ex, and Daisy's boyfriend, too, as well as still my friend. He isn't the favorite guy to hang out with, though he's still there (who else can I sit with at lunch?) but whatever. I don't like him very much, I've actually caught him flirting with me a week ago, and I'm not really sure that's stopped yet or not. As well as the fact he was probably showing off at Homecomming dance (Friday, yes Cody left the day before, I went alone but hung out with other friends) when he and Daisy sat right infront of me and he started kissing her. But whatever. He can rott.

Marge ...................... Claudia's sister. She's cute, very funny, and friendly as well as extremely outgoing. I like hanging out with her when I get the chance, but of course all eyes are on Claudia.

Jonesie ..................... She's probably the real normal preson in our/my group of friends. She's new, and learning well how we role. She's probably the critic of the group, and a master at fashion and makeup. Wanna go shopping? She'll love to take ya. ;D (She's Cody's ex-girlfriend's cousin O_O; )



~~~~~~~~~~~~~Me and My Gang~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It isn't really a gang, just a humongulious group of friends from grades 6-11 come on Wednesdays and Fridays at the library and hang out. (Yes, that's a LOT of people) Not all of us go at the same time, but each week has a different mixture of people, which is really cool. When we want to go see a movie, we call up as many people as possible, and we usually fill up a whole row in the theater, which I think is just awesome. All of us are in fact low-class in the whole click world, but we're probably the biggest there ever was in our town. We just hang out, have fun, and live life. We have a problem, we tell the group.
We've all gotten to a point where if someone bothers us, ignore them, or we all block them away from eachother. The founders of our whole group (including me) are pretty much the presidents, which each have their own certain group they mainly hang out with, which has a main group with that main group, etc, so I don't exactly know or meet every singer person in the group, but I am aware of them. All you have to do is just be a friend, hang out, and have some sort of problem, haha. Just kidding, but we all have some sort of issue that brings us to where we are.
Our whole group is basically a numbing group, that makes people feel better in life with just a bunch of friends.


~~~~~~~~~~~Yesterday~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hung out with Claudia all freaking day, had a blast co-working at a little antique shop that her mom loves going to. Got into a fight with my mom about a tradition that doesn't exist.
The tradition she thought that existed was going out and getting a pumpkin. No, that's not tradition, cutting the pumpkin is tradition, and mom broke that tradition last year when she carved pumpkins without me, so I don't wanna hear it.
Needless to say, she was really pissed, and got my stepdad pissed (when he's pissed, HE'S PISSED!!!!) So when I got home I locked myself in my room for 15 hours strait with the exception of the facilities and the shower.

~~~~~~~~~~Today~~~~~~~~~~~

It's freezing cold and I'm anxious to know how Cody's holding up at the Funeral. Just texing him and Jonesie all day. Pretty mellow day.
Everything seems to be okay with the family, other than I don't think my stepdad's really talking to me. My mom even made be breakfast for the first time since ever. So yea, I guess everything's pretty chill aside from the whole funeral thing.
God I feel bad for Cody . . . . ;-;